Here in North Carolina, we have been preparing and waiting for Hurricane Florence. I live in the center of the state, and usually we do not get too worked up over a hurricane. But when the weather people invoked the name of Hurricane Fran, which landed in NC in 1996, powered her way through the middle of the state and devastated everything in her wake, I got pretty nervous. You see, I survived Fran in 1996 and did not enjoy one second of it. I dare to say that I was a bit traumatized by the experience. I lost a lot, had to move back in with my parents and felt as if I was essentially starting over after that storm. Now, many years later, I know that I am in a different place. But I could not deny how those memories made me feel. I began feeling a sense of dread. I was not very nice to be around, especially as we talked more about the impending storm and as preparations for this storm ramped up. I did eventually realize how I felt and both warned people about my possible reactions as well as apologized to several people regarding my behavior.
I find it amazing at times how we automatically react to things without any sense of why we are reacting that way. Sometimes it does take a few times to realize what we are doing. It is hard to see the pattern when you are in the middle of it. But we can often see it later. The key is whether or not you write the thoughts and behavior off, or you decide to address it. I am proud of myself for recognizing the thoughts and behavior. I decided to allow myself to feel what I felt. For me, it seemed to be the best way to let it pass, and hope that it would either not return or return in a diminished state. I have found that if I shine a light on the thoughts and behavior, the very act of illuminating it decreases its power.
But, I decided to address the thoughts and actions related to how I felt about the storm that was coming. I had to acknowledge that I was afraid, but I did not have to behave badly because of how I felt. I recognized my thoughts but decided to be sure if the thoughts were founded in reality or fear. I decided to control what I could control, and try not to spend all of my time worrying about the rest. Once I took those steps, I immediately felt better.
So, I am sitting at home listening to the rain brought by the storm as I write this. I am proud that I am prepared for the storm, I am surviving the storm and I have learned from the storm. It is truly amazing how you can learn a lesson in almost any situation. If you stop, listen, reflect and decide to change. Recognize the patterns that you perform over and over. If they are not helpful to you, figure out what you need to do to change them. Then do it. Know that you are capable of change and you are capable of making your life better. Stop living in the realm of feeling bad, being afraid and doubting yourself. Move forward and change. You can do it. If I can you can!