I have struggled today with getting things done. I find myself wanting to just sit and do nothing, when I know that there are many things that I should be doing. When I stop and “rest” I often feel guilty. My Monday-Friday 9 to 5 work life is very hectic right now, and I often do not feel like focusing on anything else at the end of the work day. The weekend came along and I had high hopes of getting several things accomplished. And now, I am here on a Sunday afternoon, feeling as if I have done nothing. Now, I know that this is not true. I often wonder if I set myself up for feeling this way by creating a nearly impossible to-do list for myself. I did try to rest yesterday, telling myself that I would have plenty of time to do things today. Well, today came along moving at lightning speed. I did cross a few tasks off of my list today, but not as many as I had hoped for.
Part of my difficulty right now is that I spent some time and effort at the end of the week working through some emotional barriers. A limiting belief that I thought was “dealt with” reared up and stopped me in my tracks. I always am amazed when I think that I have completely dealt with something and find it once again staring me in the face. When I slay the demons in my life, I find that they still have roots buried deep within and I have to get deep down to the root of it all in order to truly be free. This is what happened to me this week.
I have done a good job of dealing with the negative voices in my head. I see them as monsters or demons, and work hard to slay them. In true horror movie fashion, they often are not “completely dead”. They attempt to rise up again, once again showing up in my life, daring me to kill them again. So I do. They don’t pop up immediately, or even a short while down the road after my first battle with them.. This week the “not worthy” monster crept back into my head, and I had to look deep into exactly where this thing originated. I figured it out, then cut the head off again. Great. Situation over, monster gone. At least for now.
But I often find that I have some residual emotional sludge after this type of event. It took a lot of energy to slay the monster. And here I sit on a Sunday afternoon, not doing anything. I realized that it took a lot of energy to address the belief that was holding me back. But there is still work to be done. So what to do? I kind of forced myself to get up. I used the Mel Robbins 5 Second Rule, counted down from 5, and got to work. And, I’m typing.
So, what is the lesson in all of this? (You know I will find one!) First, I need to stop creating these huge to-do lists after really hectic weeks. Second, I am going to love myself enough to give myself a break. The Heroine slayed the dragon, but it took all of her energy to do so. Therefore, I am going to stop beating myself up for not getting a ton done. I did get some things done and sometimes that has to be enough. Even though I feel slowed by the emotion that I have experienced, I have survived the emotion and moved on, doing what I can. And finally, I will sharpen my sword. That monster may try to rise again, but I will be ready.