Overcoming limiting beliefs is hard work. It is an ongoing process, I have found. Just when you are sailing along with your new and improved thoughts, the old stuff comes back. Sometimes it’s a whisper, sometimes it’s a roar. But it comes back. I am getting better at recognizing it and stopping it in its tracks earlier than later. I can now do it before I get into the vortex of a bad mood or massive rumination. We are often at a standoff, me and the limiting belief. I see it and test it for truth. Usually I can see the “lie” immediately. But sometimes it still just stands there, like it is waiting for me to give in. Nope. Not anymore. But the standoff can last for a while if I can’t get my mind into a place where I can not only say a new thought but believe it. Life Coach Brooke Castillo often says that you should just move yourself into a neutral belief if you are having a hard time believing a completely opposite thought. I like the concept, but still struggle. I think that idea works well for body issues (“I have a body” instead of “I love my body”, when you have been thinking “I hate my body”). But what about those deeply ingrained thoughts about your own abilities? “No one wants to hear what you have to say, so you shouldn’t waste your time writing.” Now there’s a good one that often leaves me frozen in my spot. Should I say “Someone wants to hear what I want to say”? Should I say, “writing is not a waste of my time”? I do believe that writing is not a waste of my time. But why do I procrastinate about it? Because I go back to “No one wants to hear what you have to say”. That one is burrowed in my mind. Deep. I am working on it. But apparently it still has power over me to some extent. What I have learned is to see it sooner by looking at my inaction, examine how I’m feeling (my go-to feeling is “tired”), and then backtracking to my thoughts. I don’t always remember to do this efficiently. I sometimes get stuck in the feeling. Don’t get stuck in the feeling. Recognize it and move forward anyway. Just take a deep breath and do it. I have come to realize that thoughts and feelings are so intertwined that it can be impossible for us to figure out what thing came first. If I recognize a feeling but cannot consciously link it to a thought, I realize that the thought related to that feeling is so deeply ingrained in me that it doesn’t look like a “thought” in and of itself. It may be a belief that is no longer conscious.
It is important to recognize that thoughts are related to feelings which lead to action, but thoughts are also related to feelings which then lead to INACTION. I will spend more time examining my inaction and asking myself if that is what I truly want: inaction, or action. I know that I often end up beating myself up for my lack of action. Instead, I will work harder to recognize the inaction as a sign of a negative feeling, look at that, then work to change my thoughts. Good old reverse engineering. Works every time.
So what about changing that limiting belief? I will have to start with “Writing is not a waste of my time”. I shouldn’t even argue the other thought, because I know in my soul that there is someone out there that can get value out of what I have to say. It only has to be one person. Just one. I have been a psychologist long enough to know that I have helped someone with what I have said. Now I am doing it as a coach.What I am saying may not be original. I am just saying something in a way that may make sense to one other person. Much like someone has done that for me. Often. It has been very helpful. So I just want to pay it forward. And I will.