I recently found myself feeling uneasy. “Uneasy” is the word that I use when I can’t put a more direct name to how I am feeling. I have discovered that if I start with “uneasy” I will eventually get to the root of my feelings and be able to look back at the thought or thoughts that are causing the feelings. So I started with “uneasy” today, in an effort to acknowledge that I was feeling not great. Owning how I feel is important to me, as I am committed to not burying my feelings any longer. So I owned that I felt out of sorts. Uneasy.
Sometimes I find myself afraid to be alone with my thoughts. Maybe I fear hearing something negative. Maybe I fear hearing the truth. But today, I allowed the thoughts to come, and told myself that no matter what came up, I would be okay. And I am okay. The thoughts that I allowed to come were, “What if I fail? What if it doesn’t work?” Again, I am questioning myself and my ability to succeed. I have been here before. Except, this time I can hear the thoughts, instead of my usual pattern of avoiding the feelings and by default, the thoughts. I have often avoided looking behind how I feel out of that fear of seeing something bad that I can’t get past. I now know that I can get past anything, because I am capable of taking care of my whole self, including my emotional self.
So, I thoughts came. At first, I was unsure of what I should do with it. The old pattern was to hear them and accept them. For a long time I worked to examine the thoughts and feelings when I experienced them, to see if they were true. Today, when I realized what I was thinking, I immediately knew that the thoughts were not true. So I decided to insert some new thoughts. I just started thinking to myself, “What if I am successful? What if I do accomplish my goals? What if it DOES work? What will my life look like this time next year when I do accomplish my goals?”
I immediately felt relief. I had not been able to even identify the anxiety that I had been feeling. The uneasy feeling was actually anxiety. So there it is. And I am still okay. I am actually better, because I have uncovered another pattern that was pretty much unconscious, operating behind the scenes of my life. Like so many others, it probably served as a safety mechanism in another time, but now has been keeping me from being the best I can be.
When do you find yourself feeling uneasy? Is it hard to name how you are feeling? It happens to many of us, and we should be able to feel okay with examining our thoughts and feelings as we experience them. Don’t run from your feelings. Don’t fear your thoughts. Allow them to occur. And know you will be okay. If you need help looking at those thoughts, and feelings, let me know.