Alecia Brower

I read a very interesting article this week that has left me with a lot to ponder. This article essentially stated that we often tell ourselves and others that we are seeking clarity, when we are often seeking certainty. 

We often ask for help with clarity. We want to be clear on our vision, our purpose, our goals, our plans and our actions. Many times we hesitate to do something because we think or believe that we are not clear on the path. We reach out to others for assistance.

But what if we are actually seeking certainty? For me, the big realization that I had after reading this article was that I often say that I am seeking clarity when I really want validation that I’m on the right track. To me, that is a form of certainty. 

We crave certainty. It is our safe space, because we believe that we cannot fall, we are so certain that everything will be okay. Everything will work out fine for us. 

Growth requires at least a calculated risk. I am all for seeking some clarity in taking the risk. But don’t look for permission, validation or  certainty in the name of clarity. I will admit that I have done this in the past. 

If you want to grow, if you want to succeed at the next level, in the next chapter of your life, by all means get clear on what you want, and why you want it. It’s the how to get it that is absolutely fuzzy. And you have to be okay on some level with that. 

Growth doesn’t occur in comfort zones. Growth doesn’t occur in safety zones. You must be willing to take a risk. And that requires leaving the zone of certainty.

So the next time that you tell yourself or someone else that you are seeking clarity, be sure that you are telling yourself and them the truth. If you need certainty or permission, admit it. And work through that to get as clear as you can on who you are, what you want, and why you want it. 

Are we clear?

Take care, 

Alecia

I’ve been talking a lot with different people about really owning what it is you truly want, then creating a plan for getting it. Once you can confidently say what you want, then you have to figure out how to get it.

Which is scarier? Saying what you really want out loud, or trying to take action to get it?  I sometimes think that it differs for each of us. I have always been a dreamer, but over time I learned to keep most of my dreams to myself, out of fear that others would tell me that I couldn’t have it. Because I have experienced that. I would listen to others tell me what I could and couldn’t do, what I could and could have, who I should and shouldn’t be. After a while, I took what they told me and started telling myself. That’s a nice dream, but you can’t have that. 

There have been times that I stepped up, stepped out and took a risk, Took a chance on myself. And won. I got the thing that I wanted: education, career, relationship. I have achieved some pretty awesome things in this life.

But there are times when I start dreaming about what I want in this next season of my life, I seem to automatically go back to old behaviors, old patterns, and tell myself that I can’t have it? I don’t deserve it. I’m not capable.  When I am completely and fully aware that I am capable, deserving, and worthy? I have EVIDENCE that I can achieve the things that I want for my life. But I forget so quickly.  Short term amnesia. 

Luckily, I have taught myself to short-circuit that negativity. I shift to remember what I have done. I think about my wins. I remember what they feel like. It’s like an automatic response to replay that pattern of negative thinking. But I have a newer pattern of interrupting it and playing the video of my triumphs.

We often gravitate to the negative thoughts, beliefs and feelings, completely forgetting that we actually HAVE done some absolutely AMAZING things in our lives. And we can create and complete new absolutely AMAZING things in the future. We fall back into the fearful patterns and thoughts that we have been taught, and have adopted, in an effort to stay safe and comfortable. And small.

Where are you staying small? Where are you playing it safe? Where in your life are you TOO comfortable? 

Come out and play. Play full out. Take a risk. Take a leap. Live the life of YOUR dreams. Own it. You deserve it. And you’re definitely worth it. 

It’s been another interesting week in the midst of a pandemic. I’m sequestered at home, diligently hoping for some sign of abatement of this terrible virus in our world. 

I am always working on things to provide to my clients and those that follow me on social media. Sometimes my efforts turn into frustrations as my Perfectionist gremlin rears it ugly head when I am in the throes of my work. 

I want my work to be as good as it can be. But there is a limit to that; of that I am aware. However, I can get caught up in the cycle of “just a little more,” or “let’s do that one more time” and things get delayed, or worse, paused. 

This week’s lesson is this: Progress is more valuable than Perfection, because Perfection doesn’t really exist.

But sometimes I really think that I can achieve perfection! Then I realize that I can continue to practice and master my skill set, and that is an ongoing journey with no true finish line.

And that’s okay. At least that’s what I tell myself. Over and over. The true lesson of this week is that I will have to continue to tell myself that today and for years to come. It’s a lesson that needs a refresher. Often. 

What lessons have you learned this week? Was it a new one or a refresher?

Take care,

Alecia

I find that I am always working on some aspect of myself. I am aware that it is the key to growth: consistently assessing and adjusting my thoughts, beliefs, worldview and actions. It is something that I teach to people that work with me. But I sometimes fall into the belief that you can work on it and resolve an issue, and everything is fine. For good.

Well, as you probably know, that’s absolutely not true. For me, resolving an issue makes space for another one to present itself so that it can be addressed. Or an old one that needs a version 2.0 (or 12.0).

In building a business, I often seek to refine what has been done, or create something new. And as I am doing this, I often get frustrated and/or stuck, and there it is…the issue that I need to resolve. Sitting there like a cute little gremlin that I need to train. Or retrain. 

This week, I have been working on adjustments regarding my mindset. I thought that I had worked out my problems with having a scarcity mindset and shifted beautifully into a mindset of abundance. And I had. But there were some lingering gremlins that showed up after midnight, and they weren’t so cute. 

So I sat with them. I read some things. I worked really hard to get still and quiet, and just listen. Just listen. 

I realized that my issues with having aspects of a scarcity mindset, didn’t come from believing that there wasn’t enough for everyone, but that there wasn’t enough for me. I somehow thought that when I receive abundance for myself, that I was taking it from someone else. 

Now I know, you may think that I’m really absurd in my thinking. And that’s the beauty of adjustments in mindset. You get to change those absurd thoughts (once you recognize them for what they are) into thoughts and beliefs that are more logical, that fit better with who you are now. 

I don’t know exactly where that thought came from. I am sure it is leftover from my childhood, where the focus seemed to be on what we didn’t have or what I shouldn’t do. But I’m not a child anymore, and I’m ready to put away those childish things. 

This gremlin is done for. And I know, just as I sweep away the dust from this one, another may appear, initially looking cute and cuddly , but  upon further review, is a small monster that I need to tackle in order to grow.  The good news is that I’ve done this work before. I can resolve the issue, create version 2.0 (or more) and I will continue to build my mind, my heart and my soul into the person that I am meant to be.

“Pick the most important thing and get started.” This phrase can cause angst among many of us. It has often caused much stress in my life, because my immediate thought is this: “But what if I think that ALL of the things are important?” 

This is a problem that I have had for a very long time. When faced with options for doing something, I am often paralyzed because I think that all of the options are important. What I have realized is that, in some cases, they are all important, but I have to decide (and I get to decide) what is most important. I had to learn to move from the barrier of indecision to the choice to give myself the power to decide. 

I know that I am a recovering people pleaser. It made me a perfectionist, because I was terrified that mistakes would make people disappointed, that I would be less than in others’ eyes if I didn’t get it “just right”, and for a very long time, my very existence was built on pleasing other people. At the grand expense of myself. 

“If they’re happy, then I’ll be happy.” That is one of the greatest lies ever told. Pleasing others just led to me worrying about always pleasing, always getting it right, and always thinking that whatever I did, it wasn’t enough. Which to me meant that I wasn’t enough. Lie. 

I am enough, just as I am. If you can’t love and accept me for who I am without all of the people pleasing, then I’m not for you. And today, I can stand in that truth. I am the most important thing, at least to me. 

So now, when I look at what I need to do, I can decide what is important for me, what is important to me. And, I am learning to decide, standing here in my truth, what is the most important thing. 

There is an  old saying that goes: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way”. If you really want it, you can find a way to get to the goal, result, or target you have decided on. You have to look at what it is that is standing in your way. Is it something physical, is it something tangible, or is it the story that you’re telling yourself?

Have you told yourself that you can’t do it? That you can’t afford it? You don’t know how to do it? That you don’t believe that you are capable? There are ways around these mental obstacles. 

You can review your options and develop a plan to figure out how to pay for it. To figure out how you can make it happen. To learn more about how to do something, find people that have already done it and ask them questions. You can change what you believe about the situation.

And that’s the key. What you are telling yourself about a situation, about the circumstance, obstacle, problem, the adversity, whatever you choose to call it – is truly what is standing in your way. 

What is it that you think about the obstacle? How do you feel about it? What is it that you believe about the situation? And more importantly is it true? 

That is the question at the foundation of it all. We tell ourselves all kinds of things all of the time. And if you take a step back and really look at it, from the outside, you’ll find that it might not necessarily be true. You may have colored it in a way that you can convince yourself not to follow through with the actions necessary to overcome the obstacle at hand. 

You may have told yourself that you are not capable, when in fact all that you need is the knowledge, skills and the practice to master whatever it is that you want to do. You may have told yourself that you can’t afford it when in fact you can review your budget, eliminate unnecessary expenses or look at other options to get the funding. You may have convinced yourself that you’re not “manager material” or “a business owner” or you are “not good with numbers” when in fact those beliefs are not true. 

Can you take a step back and look at the obstacle in your way? Can you see the obstacle for what it really is? 

Maybe it’s not the huge mountain that appears ominous, impassable and foreboding.  Maybe it really is just a hill that you can climb, that you can conquer, – if you believe in yourself and your ability to develop a plan, decide to take action to achieve the results that you desire. 

So take a moment and really look at the obstacle in your way. What if you could overcome it? What if you already possess the ability to get what you need to achieve your dreams and goals? Look again, you may see things very differently. 

Many of us have a “work persona” that looks different from your “home persona”. Some of us are different when we are with friends than when we are with family. So, my question for you is this: Who are you authentically, and where or when is it that you can be your authentic self? 

We all have had times where we have tried to be someone for someone else, trying to fit a mold or to fit a role. 

But that’s not authenticity. 

And when you’re able to be your authentic self, you’re able to be more successful, because you’re not playing a role, you’re being who you truly are at your core. 

So, where is it that you’re playing roles? Where is it that you’re being authentic? 

Do you know? 

How can you bring your authentic self into every area of your life? Because, that’s what you deserve, and that’s what the world deserves, is to see the authentic you. 

And, why is it that you’re not able to be authentic across every area of your life? 

Have you ever thought about where it is that you are continuing to play a role? 

What is it you can do, to be more yourself, everywhere? 

Authenticity. It is very important to your success, it is very important to your peace, and that’s what we all want, for ourselves and for each other.

Are you finding yourself being very distracted? Is it because you are in close quarters with other people? Or is it because you are trying to complete far too many tasks at at time? 

We often use distraction as an excuse not to be present and aware of what is going on within and around us. 

Are you dedicating “quiet time” in your life currently? Are you seeking moments of quiet? How successful are you at creating or finding moments of quiet?

Give yourself permission to block out time and then take the time for quiet. For solace. For no distractions. The ability to just be quiet, have quiet, and just take a breath, just for a moment, will lead you to become more focused.

Distraction is the enemy of focus. Many times, distraction leads us away from the very thing that we need to focus on. And we follow distraction merrily down the road – anything, other than facing reality. 

Can you stop for a moment, and prioritize the things you need to focus on? 

What do you need to focus on for yourself?

What do you need to focus on for your family?

What do you need to focus on for your work, or business? 

Take some time – some quiet, distractionless time to focus on what you need, and prioritize what needs to be done. 

Prioritize this: Learning to work with less distractions. Things will get done faster, and you will feel more calm, and productive. 

Can you own the fact that you are very distracted? I have had to acknowledge that I was extremely distracted, and sometimes running from the reality in front of me. Not that it was tragic or traumatic. It was just that I didn’t feel like tackling the tasks at hand. I couldn’t decide what was important. I was overwhelmed. 

So I worked to get quiet. To listen to my inner voice. And to trust that I could handle anything in my path. 

So, look around. Observe your world. How distracted are you? Identify what the distractions are (television, social media, clutter, etc.) and then tackle each one, bit by bit. Don’t get overwhelmed. Just take one small step at a time. Watching too much television or spending too much time on social media? Develop a plan: cut it by 30 minutes. Maybe you have trouble focusing for long periods of time (I struggle with this from time to time). Try the Pomodoro method, which gives you short time periods of focus then a break. 

Don’t let distraction win. You will have to figure out the underlying reasons for distraction. Stress. Feeling overwhelmed. Unsure where to start. Don’t know what’s the next thing to do. 

Figure it out. Then develop a plan for yourself. Implement your plan one step at a time, and watch how you increase your productivity and performance. 

I  know that you will see progress. Trust yourself.

Are you having the impact that you hope for in your life? We are all leaders and contributors to this world. And as such, we want to impact not only  our own lives, but others lives, and the businesses and organizations that we are involved with. 

Self-awareness plays a critical role in how we influence and impact the world within and around us. You may be somewhat aware of your thoughts, feelings, and perhaps some behaviors. But, are you aware of how those actions and behaviors impact other people?

Are you aware of how others see you and what you do? 

Knowing yourself, your values, strengths, preferences, and habits will give you information about how your actions are both performed by you and received by others. Being more self-aware will allow you to look at yourself on a deeper level so that you can make better decisions, improve your critical thinking skills and become a stronger leader and contributor. 

Knowing yourself is the key to impacting the world around you. If you know how you affect others, you can make adjustments so that you can more effectively hear and be heard. You will learn where your blind spots exist, and how you are getting in your own way. 

Are old habits or beliefs getting in the way of you making progress in your life? Are they getting in the way of you being more effective? Are they getting in the way of your success?

What is it that you need to improve on? What are those areas of development that need work? You can’t improve if you don’t know what you need to improve on. Can you identify the gaps in your skills, your thoughts, your actions, and develop a plan to improve them?

Self-awareness will impact everything around you. You will become a better leader, You will become a more impactful contributor. You will become a better team member. You will improve performance and productivity in your company, in your organization, and in your life.

How are the Turtles doing in this time of social distancing? Learn how Turtles may be having difficulty with the limits currently imposed and how the other animals may need to adjust to “Turtle Behavior” in this current environment. Schedule a free call to identify your animal: https://bit.ly/2x6UwOB