Alecia Brower

Here I sit, on a snowy Saturday morning, drinking my coffee and trying to just relax.

As I sit still, in the quiet, the voice in my head cranks up and starts a familiar diatribe: You should be doing…and the list starts, and keeps going and going, I start to feel guilty for just taking time to be, instead of running around playing catch up, as is my usual routine when I have a moment’s peace. 

I have a habit of needing to be going Mach 10 with my hair on fire all of the time. Spinning plates, taking care of stuff, taking care of people, problem solving, helping, pleasing…

Sound familiar?

I have spent a lot of time focused most if not at sometimes all of my time and energy on people and things outside of myself. It’s how I have been conditioned throughout my entire life. Take care of them. Put them first. Focusing on yourself is selfish. 

What crap. Putting my everything into everybody else only leaves me seriously depleted. Wasted. Frustrated. Exhausted. And at several points in my existence, sick.

That’s no way to live. And if you think that it is, let me tell you now: that’s no way to live.

So I had to start figuring out where I got the idea that I was to live my life in that manner. Even though I can’t point to the exact moment I received the message, the exact day that I began the training, the exact person or people who taught me this way to live, I began to recognize the voice inside that pushed me to do. Do more, Do even more. That voice that would tell me that no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. And that I had to just keep doing, no matter how I felt, or what I really wanted for myself. There it was.

Now, I hear the voice for what it is: it is a conditioning that I received.  It isn’t me.  I recognize that it is not healthy or helpful. Well, maybe a little helpful, because I can record those things that I need to do, and review them at a later time to determine if they are really a priority or not. Because I know that everything is not important (another really important lesson that I needed and have learned). 

So, I sit, and sip my coffee. I get up and look at the snowy landscape outside of my window. I listen to myself breathe, and take a moment to be grateful for time to rest and relax. I tell the voice that I no longer bow down to the religion of “should”. I forgive myself for previously reacting to that voice every time a “should” popped up. I sip more coffee and learn to relax. I don’t have to do anything at this moment. All I have to do, is be. 

I remind myself that I am okay, and all is well. All is well.

Our most recent trip to our favorite grocery store resulted in me getting a couple of my current favorites in the bakery: the apple filled donut. I guess it’s not a donut if it doesn’t have a hole…(fleeting thoughts of looking up the difference, but I digress.)

This thing is a work of art in and of itself: super soft dough that melts in your mouth when you bite into it, a light crusting of sugar (is it brown sugar? I’m not sure…) that just adds a slight bit of crunch to the softness of the pastry, and the wonderful surprise of soft apples bathed in a light syrup that isn’t too sweet, just right as you experience the whole package.

It’s a wonderful experience for me to indulge in this bakery item. I love to pop it on a plate and heat it up, for just a few seconds, just enough to make it even softer and to warm the apple goodness found in the center. 

Today, as I sat with my apple doughy gooey pleasure, I noticed that I wasn’t enjoying the experience. I was really just eating the donut and not noticing all of the good things that I love about this wonderful pastry item. I was just going through the motions of eating, and really was not thinking about it much at all.

So I stopped. I took a few seconds to assess what I was doing. I had the apple goodness in my hand, hovered over the plate (because the sugar just lets go when you bite into it). It was half-eaten. As I looked at the donut and wondered why I was so absentmindedly tearing through it without experiencing it at all, I looked over at my other hand. It held my cell phone. I realized that I was missing out on enjoying my current favorite thing because I was scrolling through my phone. I immediately put down the phone and turned my full attention to what I was eating.

I looked at the sugar on the plate. I looked at the sugar on my fingers. I felt the warmth of the pastry through my fingers, noting that it wasn’t too hot, but warm enough, just like I like it. I took a bite of the donut, and paid attention to the dough, the apples, the taste, the warmth. I sat there and finished the experience of eating something that I was excited and grateful to have on this cold winter morning. 

And I thought: how many other things have I just blindly moved through because I was distracted with something so utterly meaningless? How have I become so conditioned to scrolling through social media or playing some game on a device, instead of taking the time to be fully present in the now and experiencing what is actually going on? And why do I choose to “check out” of the present moment when there are things, even though they are little things, to experience, savor, and appreciate?

I don’t have all of the answers to this. But I am now aware of how I am at times sleepwalking through life. There are times when I am truly on autopilot, and I don’t notice what is really going on around me. I try to pay attention to the big stuff. The major events, if you will. But I now recognize that there are times when I am not fully present to my life. I see how I am bypassing the little things that bring me happiness and joy in the moment. There are so many things that we may categorize as little or unimportant that bring light into our lives. We are all so often distracted by the drama and chaos of the world (most of which I believe is none of our business) that we fail to see the things around us that have the ability to lift us higher, make us smile and fill us with wonder.

Take a moment when you find yourself captivated by that electronic box in your hand to look around and see what else is happening. I bet that you will be surprised. I sure was.

“Be Happy Just to Be Happy.”  This was a text from my soul sister, the one that understands that I am on a unique spiritual journey back to my authentic self. We often text each other as we move along the path of self-discovery, when things get dark or feel uncertain or unfamiliar. 

It’s a phrase that I keep close these days. This year has been a tough one, with the loss of two of my closest loved ones, isolation and traversing through grief in a pandemic. There are days when I am ABSOLUTELY not happy. But I have learned the lesson that the control know to turn up the volume of my happiness is in my control. I spent a lot of time and tears thinking that the key to my happiness existed outside of me. 

I compared my life to others and tried to match up to what they did, what they wanted, how they saw the world. And I wasn’t happy.

I tried to be what I thought they wanted and needed, in a search for validation and “joy”. And I wasn’t happy. 

I beat myself up over and over again when I stumbled. I told myself to do better. To be better.

And I wasn’t happy.

So seeing those words – Be Happy Just to Be Happy – caused me to stop and think. Long and hard. Over and over again. Because, overthinking is part of who I am and what I do (I’m working on that…it’s a work in progress). 

I have the power to be happy just because I want to? Is that a thing? A REAL thing? 

Considering the source, my soul sister who walks this same path, looking for ways to walk in her truth and live her life as fully as possible, I had to consider it. I had to consider that I could be happy just to be happy. 

Lord knows overanalyzing why I wasn’t happy didn’t seem to make me more happy, or bring me more joy. Spending inordinate amounts of time looking into and at my unhappiness just brought me more of it – more unhappiness.

So, why not. I decided to execute a little experiment. I decided to be happy just because I decided to. When things came into my world that made me think of anything less than happiness and joy, I decided to reject them, and resort to being happy. Even if just for a moment, an hour, or a day.

How did it go? Pretty well. I had a good day. I recognized that bad moments were just that: Bad moments. I could see them and then let them go on their way. But the power came in choosing happiness after the bad moment; the power was in allowing myself to move ever so closely to joy.

Now, is every moment of every day hearts and flowers? Absolutely not. But I have learned this: I can choose to feel better, even if it means taking a moment to be grateful, or going outside to listen to the birds sing. I focused on what increases my happiness: moments with my wife, our dogs, friends, being outside, music. I decided to identify the “gremlins” that try to bring me down and figured out what they hate. If I take just a moment to move towards happiness and away from sorrow or pain, I get better. Every day.

What are you really after?  Have you thought about it recently? Or are you focused on collecting all of the “prizes” along the way – things, titles, accolades?  

We often get distracted by the “participation trophies” of life and fail to have a long term vision of our lives. If you are not clear on your long term goal, the end goal, the presence of the intermediate gains, the means goals, will distract you and only satisfy you for a moment. 

You know the feeling. You say “I’ll be happy when I get the promotion.” “I’ll be happy when I make [whatever salary leads you to think that you “made it”].” “I’ll be happy when I’m married and have kids.” These are all means goals. Means to an end goal, whatever that looks like for you. 

What are you really after? What’s the end goal?  Joy. Happiness. Love. Harmony. Peace. Contentment. Satisfaction. Safety.  Who do you want to be? Are you able to name what it is that you are truly after? Can you say, “I want to have a sense or feeling of ___.” What kind of life do you truly want to lead? When you get to the end of your life, what do you want to feel? Start building that now. 

It is your life. You can define what you want for it. And I’m willing to bet that you are not intentionally trying to live a life of pain, anger, frustration, or fear. But if you haven’t been intentional in finding the good in your life, all you will see is the bad. And then you try to make yourself feel better with all of the things. The things only make life better for a short time, until the newness wears off and you start looking for the next thing to make you feel better. 

So what’s the alternative? Find your happiness now. Find your happiness today. You have to be deliberate in identifying what brings you joy. It really can be in the little things. Start by identifying what you appreciate. Start by listing what you are grateful for in your life. There is something. And it is inside you. There really is something to feel good about, no matter how small. 

Blue skies, great music, good friends. What do you have to feel good about? What can you appreciate right now? It can be a tangible thing, if it helps you feel better. Your home, a cup of coffee, your favorite song, your most comfortable chair. Just give yourself permission to feel better. You don’t have to dance in the streets, but try to feel a sense of relief for right now. 

Here’s the thing: I don’t expect you to jump from pain to joy instantaneously. Just decide to try to feel better. Then a little better, and a little better. Soon you will have a rock solid process by which you can get closer and closer to the happiness that you seek. And before you know it, you’ll be right in the middle of it. 

We can access many of these feelings right now, but we have convinced ourselves (and society has taught us) to play the “I’ll be happy when” game. We deny ourselves happiness in the now in the pursuit of the next trophy.

Stop selling out your long term vision for your life for these short term awards. Being the best version of you requires a dream, a vision, a purpose and a plan. Where are you on the path? Developing your dream? Working your plan? Seeing your vision? Feeling out your purpose? 

Become aware of where you want to go. Find joy, happiness, harmony and love today. It will get you to your dream so much faster than the task of dragging all of the trophies that you are collecting with you. Enjoy your accomplishments. Just don’t let them distract you from your ultimate desired outcome for your life. 

What legacy do you want to leave in this life? Who do you want to be? What kind of impact do you want to have in this life? How will you feel when you make that impact? Get excited to be your best you. Get excited to show the world who you truly are. Get excited to help inspire and impact those around you. Get excited now. Feel good now. Find that feeling that you really want now. Then continue down the path to what you are really after. The legacy of who you truly are. 

One of the lessons I have learned is this: My belief that I don’t have time to do something important or meaningful is false.  An untruth.  For me, the concept of not having enough time is a myth. “I don’t have time” in my life often equates to “it’s not a priority.” I have learned the importance of looking at and understanding what is actually taking up your time. 

Recently, I was complaining (to myself – I know that we all do this!) about how if I had 5 more hours available in my week, I could get SO MUCH MORE DONE! I kept saying that I didn’t have time and wanted to see where I could find some time to get things done. One day I decided to look at where I was spending my time. I decided to just focus on one area: how much time I spent on my electronic devices.

If you have a smart phone or tablet you may get a report every week telling you how much time you spent on your screens. It pops up on my screen on Sunday mornings, usually when I really don’t want to know how much time I gave to these devices. I get a notification every week for every screen: phone, tablet, other tablet. I decided to sit down for just a minute or two, grabbed my calculator (on my phone!) and added up the amount of time that I spent on my devices in the past week. I was shocked when I saw the total. 

I only wanted five hours more. I discovered that I was spending MUCH MORE than 5 hours a week on those devices. Let’s just say that I was stunned that I spent that many hours staring at those screens. That’s where my time was going. 

Now, I do use my electronic devices for good: I read books, I use it for meditation, I use it to keep me organized. So, some of the time that I spend on these devices are helpful.

But then, I started thinking about the amount of time I spent whittling my life away: just scrolling through social media; playing games on my phone “to relax”. By spending a few minutes adding up the amount of time I spent on all my devices, I found the time that I said I didn’t have. I could no longer stand on the excuse that I didn’t have enough time. I found the time. And I had to reclaim it in order to get the results that I wanted in my life. 

I started scheduling those 5 hours. I still allowed time for the other things that I liked to do on my phone. There was plenty left to spare…

And I started getting more done. The time was always there. I just had to decide to use my time more wisely.

So, here’s something I think you should do. I suggest that you add up the amount of time you spend on your phone, your tablet, and/or your computer. If you get a report like I do every week, take a minute and add up the total time that you spend staring at a screen. I promise you will be amazed. And you will find the time, that you claim you don’t have. 

Now the lesson and the challenge to you is to take the time that you find, and make it a priority. How much time are you spending on your devices that isn’t productive? How much time has nothing to do with work, or growth? What really is important to you? It may be time to rearrange your priorities.

“Go to school, get a good job with benefits, and you’ll be all set!”

Did you get this advice years ago? And you did it – you went to school, got the degree, got the job, got the good benefits, and do your job well.

But…it’s not all it was cracked up to be.

But…there’s something missing.

But…you feel pulled, compelled to do more. Or to do something else. 

But…what is IT?  Do you know? 

How do you take what you have done, what you know, and what you can do, and turn the page on the next chapter of your life? 

Start by saying what you want. Name it. Call it out. Point at it. Scream at it if you need to!

Give yourself permission to want what you want.  Give yourself permission to live the life that you want. Give yourself permission to “step out of the box” and chase your dreams. 

Live your life instead of someone else’s. Chase your dreams instead of someone else’s. Go. 

If you feel pulled to be a director, a CEO, a business owner, an author, a philanthropist…a better you – Go for it!  This is your time, right now, because there is no perfect time or perfect place or perfect anything. 

Start by inventorying your strengths. Know what you do well. That’s your foundation for success. Then seek the knowledge, skills, mindset and behavior that will get you the results that you want. The success that you seek.

I call these the CORE 4 Elements of Personal and Professional Development. They are actually the CORE 4 Elements of Personal and Professional Success. Absolutely.

So here’s the thing: I absolutely believe that you are ready for the next chapter of your life. Do you? 

If you’d like some help, please let me know. We can schedule a call (click here) and talk about your dreams for your life and what will get you there. 

Take care,

Alecia 

Today is Veterans Day. I am an Army veteran. Today reminds me of the amazing men and women that I had to honor to serve with over the years. As I looked through social media posts and reminisced by looking at pictures of my time in the military, I was struck by how much I have been influenced by those that served with me in uniform.

My entrance into the military was essentially a game of follow the leader. I had friends that were serving. I wanted to know what it was like to wear a uniform and serve my country. I really wanted to know if I could do it. I needed to prove to myself that I was capable of both getting into the military and carrying out the duty to the best of my ability.

I encountered so many different personalities during my journey. They taught me, shaped me, corrected me, encouraged me, and showed me how to be my best. When I lacked courage, they boosted me up. When I was anxious, they reassured me. Whatever I felt, there always seemed to be someone there to encourage me and tell me that I could do it. 

Here’s the thing: most of these folks had no idea of the impact that they had on my life. On my growth. They were just doing their job, being themselves. Helping where help was needed. They had no clue how much they helped me grow.

I say all of this to get to this point: Firstly, who has impacted your life? Who helped get you to this point? Think about the people that have impacted your life and your growth into the person you are right now. You have encountered and interacted with many people in your life, and they most likely inadvertently impacted your life in very subtle ways. But that impact created who you are now. 

Secondly, think about who you are impacting by your every day actions. Who do you talk with, work with, interact with on a daily basis, and what is your effect on their life? You do have an impact. We all do. You must become aware of the fact that your everyday life, your everyday behavior, your actions or inaction impacts others around you. 

We all have an impact. Think of those that have made a difference in your life. Even a miniscule difference. They all add up, and have made you who you are today. 

Think about who you may be impacting with your life. It may not seem like much, but you are helping someone grow.

I remain struck by the fact that I needed to prove something to myself by putting on that uniform. I proved it to myself, but not without the men and women that stood beside me. And I am reminded, all these years later, that I still encounter those that help me grow and be the best that I can be. More importantly, I am reminded to be my best, because someone in my life is impacted. Every day.

With less than 3 ½ months left in this year, is it time to check your GPS? In this instance, GPS stands for Goals → Priorities → Strategies.

You have continued forward through this strange but compelling year (2020!) and have managed obstacles, brick walls, curve balls, and plot twists. We often end up in a reactionary mode, instead of being proactive and focused on our original goals. Take the time to identify where you are making choices and decisions based on what you want rather than reacting to what you don’t want. 

Take a look at your goals…do you need to make adjustments? Are you off track and need to recalibrate the GPS? Take an honest look at where you are right now in order to determine what will get you to your goals.

Next up is Priorities. What do you need to prioritize in order to accomplish or achieve your goals? What do you need to know? What do you need to learn? Are there skills that you need to build, practice or master? Do you know what skills are needed to accomplish your goals? 

Do you need to check your mindset? Is your way of thinking prohibiting your progress? Do you need to prioriitize self-care? Or is there a function of business that requires you to adjust your attitude (big lesson for me this week…!)

Are there behaviors that you need to change? Are there behaviors that you need to start doing? Are your current behaviors giving you the results that you want?

Take the time and make a list of what you need to prioritize now for the next few months.

So let’s look at your strategies…Do you have plans? Have you been implementing them? Are they giving you expected results?

Do you need to adjust the strategies that you are using to get you closer to the targeted results that you want? Or are you just using whatever strategy or plan that comes along? Are they really your strategies or someone else’s? Take a close look at what you’re doing. Hopefully you are taking action on these strategies. If not, look to find smaller steps that you can implement. 

Block out some time to review where you are and where you want to go. Use the GPS. It will get you where you want to go even faster…

Take care of yourself,

Alecia

Need help recalibrating your GPS to get you the results that you want? Click here and we can definitely get you there!

Are you highly distracted? What needs to happen for you to refocus on the task at hand?  Check out these three tips to increase your focus and get more done in less time:

1. Clear distractions – we all tend to have them: too much clutter on your desk, your phone at your elbow so that you can browse through social media, Amazon, or whatever will get you out of completing the task at hand. We all look up from the rabbit hole of social media distraction after some ridiculous amount of time, and wonder how we got to the YouTube video of a kangaroo boxing 3 rounds with some guy…Eliminate the distractions. Create a clutter-free work environment. Plan your social media and shopping breaks.  Put your phone away and become disciplined enough to leave it there. Decide if you need to read and answer every email as soon as you get it. Plan your breaks just like you plan your work.

2. Short spurts or long hauls – how do you do it? Do you find that you are more productive when you work for short spurts, such as the Pomodoro Technique of 20 minute increments, or are you a “long hauler” – someone that can sit and truly focus for an hour or more at a time? Understanding how you focus optimally is important. You may have been taught to “sit and work until it’s done”, but are you producing quality work? Would you be less frustrated and less distracted if you took your time and broke it up into shorter increments? If you are a true long hauler and feel that your work is of exceptional quality when using this method, then that’s great. If you find yourself more tired, really frustrated, and are just dreading these periods of time, then it may be time to reconsider how you approach the time in which you work. 

3. Stop when you need to, to regroup and refocus on the task at hand. Working far past the feeling of needing to stop decreases the quality of the work. We get caught up in the concept of the “hustle” or “grind” and are just running on the hamster wheel without getting anywhere. Are you creating something of quality and value or are you just checking a box that notes that you did something? Be aware of what quality looks like in your work, and be VERY aware of what your work looks like when you are just calling it in. You want quality. Consistently. So if you get to a point where things aren’t looking as good as they did when you started, then it’s time to stop.  It’s okay. You can pick it up again at a later time. 

Give these three tips a try to increase your focus and maximize your productivity. Let me know how using these three keys work for you.

Take care,

Alecia

You have a lot on your plate. It feels like too much. And you have no idea where to start or how you will get it all done. 

Take a breath…now take another one. Notice that you’re breathing. You will be fine. 

You can’t do everything at once. Or in an hour. Or in a day. Planning is the key for getting your goals achieved and getting the results that you want for yourself.

So what do you do? How do you start? Heck, what do you do first (besides freaking out…)?

The next time that you feel overwhelmed by a goal in front of you, try these three tips, which I call “The Breaks”:

1. Break it down: Break the big goal into smaller steps. And if you still feel overwhelmed, it may be a sign that you need to break the steps down even more. Is there something else that you need to get the job done? Do you need more information? Do you need to develop (or just remember) a skill that you need? Do you need to adjust your thinking about the task (the task and goal are doable, and you have to believe that). Is there something that you need to do first (a smaller step)?

I had a plan to do some home improvement over the weekend and I needed a power compressor from our storage room. The job ahead of me seemed pretty daunting, and I put it off. And put it off. I knew that I needed a smaller step to get my momentum going. So I just made a task of getting the compressor. That started the steps of beginning the project. Completing one small step will start the chain of dominoes falling.

2. Break it up: Don’t try to do everything at once. It may be too much. Do one thing. Just one.

My step of getting the compressor into the house was the one thing that I knew that I could do that day. I may not have started the actual home improvement project, but I got the power tool that was crucial for the project to start and be completed. I told myself that I could start now that I had my tools in place. 

3. Give yourself a break: Show yourself some compassion. I like to say to give yourself the grace you give other people. Don’t beat yourself up because things didn’t get completely done. Pat yourself on the back for what you did accomplish. And if you didn’t accomplish anything related to your goal, here’s a phrase that I use all of the time: Tomorrow will be better. 

It’s important to recognize how you are thinking and feeling when you are overwhelmed. Recognize those thoughts. Acknowledge those feelings. They aren’t here to stay. Allow them to have their moment, then move on. You are capable of accomplishing what you want. But there may be underlying thoughts, beliefs or feelings that are contributing to the overwhelm and lack of progress. You can deal with them. You have before. 

Use my 3 Breaks anytime you feel like things are “too much”, your plate is super full, you have too many plates spinning, or whatever you say when you are overwhelmed. You can do it. I know that you can.